Heartbreak

Last night I began packing away knick-knacks and things I wouldn’t need for a few months. I was starting to have less spaces to put things as furniture disappeared- best deal with it by packing. I lay in my bed thinking about the freedom that awaits. Life had taken a turn away from endless predictability’s. The image in my mind is not of years down the road, it’s the day I go looking in bin bags to locate our kettle. The semi-silence you have in knowing you both only have one thing to say: “we’re home”.

I must admit I have screen-shotted  the photos from the advert and have mentally unpacked just by looking at them. I see us having dinner that first evening on at our dinning table. Batman, no doubt will be hard to contain, he will drag toys everywhere and run in the field with Dexter (our dog). It will be hard to get him settled that night. I cope with the fears and anxieties by thinking about the look myself and the Joker will exchange when we dress our bed and collapse into it exhausted. 

As I lay in bed last night, I day dreamed into the tiny hours. Myself and the Joker exchanged texts discussing little details. We dream of a life that is led by nature, that is at a slower pace to the cities and offices. We can finally slow down and enjoy a life together. I drifted to sleep. peacefully.

This morning I was awoken by ringing phones and tears. “It’s all over”, he sobbed. And it is, just like that. This two month plan, this whole dream that I had been afraid to dream- gone. We have lost our right to be on the land because a money grubbing (insert string of profanities here) has told lies about our plans to the deed-holder. The money grubber has his own plans, and we had stepped on them. He hadn’t wanted us to get ahead. I ask you, where does that leave us? We just don’t know. This is still our dream, but now it is only a dream.

I am saddened by the bullies that get ahead in this world. I am feeling overwhelming despair… Heartbroken. We had only wanted a simple life, and to include and help so many others in doing so. In these last few weeks, we built a community. We wanted to protect and keep the land, not disrupt it.

“i hadn’t been this happy in my life since as far back as i could remember.. now it’s been torn away..”- the Joker

I am not sure where it goes from here….

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