I am grateful to my followers and friends who have checked in on us in this last while. I’ve been hiding out, taking time to gather my thoughts. There is a feeling of shame in having to tell every well wisher that your plans fell apart. Explaining things made it feel like it had all been a crazy idea to begin with. We ran away to Co. Limerick for the weekend. Not to do particularly anything, but to put some distance between us and our lives. It worked. Sometimes you really do just need to get away.
Living with both Crohn’s Disease and an Anxiety Disorder can be so debilitating at times. I have two health modes- ‘you don’t even want to know..’, and ‘not so bad’. With Crohn’s I’m disabled, but not enough for the government to understand. As a result of all the pain, infections, fatigue- my mental health now needs caring for. It’s refreshing to find a job that I am not just another liablity or risk in sick payout. There is no chance of me working myself to an early grave on a farm. Life is much slower paced. Backbreaking, but room for me to care for my health. This meant just as much to the Joker, and to our suprise Batman even cried for our loss.
After some distance, dinner, and wine we both had a lovely chat. Some good things can come from all this- the first thing is that we have decided once life is on even ground again we want to have more little feet running around. Yes, babies. Maybe marriage, who knows? Batman had even recently mustered up his courage to draw me a picture of one and asked when he might have a sibling. We decided on a life together, and even though plans fell apart- we do want a life together. The second great thing is we finally know what we want; we want our smallholding. And while we might be far away from having it, we are going to put our money where our mouths are and work on it. Even if we have to rent it. On a side note, I’ve wanted to write since I read my first novel. And, here I am. Sometimes you have to look to find the upsides, but they are there!
In the meanwhile, we will continue to work with what we have. The challenge is to become as sustainable as possible in my tiny- not eco friendly- suburban apartment, with clay soil and a dog who eats plants.
The garden is starting to bear its autumn fruit, there are herbs for drying and seeds to be saved. Crafting season is about to begin; I’m dying try my hand at soapmaking. There are courses aplenty to take! It’s time I share with you all what I’ve learned and hopefully it will inspire you to share your skills too.